I admit it. I cruise dating sites hoping to strike up fun and interesting conversations with people. I think there might be a 12 step program for this but at this time I have my addiction under control. I’m on OkCupid, Myspace, and LooptMix. All free sites where conversation doesn’t cost you your first born and a there isn’t some massive questionnaire to fill out. And while I have profiles at Match and eHarmony, I don’t pay for their service so I spend my time blocking winks and deleting eharmony spam from my gmail account. Good GOD do they send you a lot of freaking people.
Its really interesting to look through profiles and read the asinine things that people put up. Spelling mistakes, but they claim they want a smart girl. Grammar mistakes while typing your instead of you’re. And I’m guilty of spelling mistakes and improper grammar sometimes, I spell check my shit before I post it up. Come on people. Spell check is your friend. And if you need some help with proper grammar I have a lady friend in Georgia who can whip your profile into punctuation perfection and grammarific grammar. She’s real good at spellying things right.
I’ve talked to quite a few people in the past few months. Most start with stupid one liners, some with just ‘hi’ but then there is the special guy who’s smart enough to figure out that flattery is not the way to my heart. He asks me something about my profile, or about sushi. And then he keeps the conversation going by being…….funny. Guys, funny is the best thing you can be. I don’t care what your buddies say, your washboard abs mean nothing to me. ‘If you can get a girl to laugh, you can get her to do anything.‘ This is pretty much true. When your washboard abs are a giant keg when you’re 60 years old, but you’re still making your lovely lady laugh, then you got the power son.
Hello Beautiful
I have to gripe about is the over use of the word beautiful. I know that I am probably going to come off like some stuck up bitch, but that is ok, I never said I was nice. Yes compliments are special and its nice to get them, but really guy, stop with the beautiful. Literally every time I get a message from you, it starts with ‘hi beautiful, hello beautiful, whats up beautiful’. It starts to lose its meaning after a while.
What up Cutie.
Really? REALLY? I’m 32 years old (fuck thirty three in less than a month). I am a grown woman. I am not cute. Cute is for babies and puppies and attempts to claim that you’re more awesome than me.
Conversate.
IT. IS. NOT. A. WORD.
Age is just a number.
These one really bothers me. I have zero interest in talking to or dating ANYONE who is 18 years old yet when I politely decline with ‘thanks for the interest but you’re a little young for me, take care’ they almost always retort with the above. I again decline. They persist. The youngings are persistent aren’t they? I hit my ignore button and that drives the message home. I decline guys just about everyone under 30. I will make the rare exception for someone who’s 28 if they come with an awesome opener.
and along those lines…
wow..ok so I never have hit on an ..older woman..you are gorgeous though! What is your name? What are you up to?
You are gorgeous though? Reads as You’re pretty hot for an old chick! Come on dude, did you really think that would work?!
There was the creeper who told me he could ‘help me with my kids’ so I could go on a date with him. I threw up in my mouth. Or the guy who’s like ‘hey nice tits pet‘ or ‘can I see your rack?‘
I would love to that I could screen cap these convos and send them to their mothers and be like ‘hey Mrs. dickbag’s mom, look at the kind of son you raised. G FUCKING G.’
And I think the best one of all these, was the guy who said I was ‘yummy’ and I asked if that was a compliment and he says:
‘kinda like a banana split. I want to take a bite.’
Clearly this dude has been watching too much Twilight. Or the Food News Network. Or True Blood. Yea.
None of this will stop me from talking to the interesting males of this world. Its highly entertaining and makes for good blog posts.
What say you Internets? What amazing lines have been flung your way?
