It’s been nice not having a birth cert and SS for Rocco. He is not registered anywhere, no one in the govt knows that he’s been born. He can’t be tracked yet. That however is going to change at 2:30pm when we go down and register his birth and sign up for a ss. poor kid. The govt will be taking his allowance money soon after.

Saw Nikole today, she checked my bottom. I’m healing but I’m not healed yet. I still need to take it easy. Bleeding has come back a touch, but nothing too much. Rocco is looking great, a little peely still. She said some olive oil on his skin will help. I can’t wait to slather him up and let him smell like a salad. He’s nursing a ton. He’s a little yellow, but that’s going away too. He’s peeing ALL the time, speaking of, must go change a diaper now.

I’m def. feeling blue today. Milk is in and along with it comes insane hormones. Not feeling as out of control as I did with Aiden, but def. feeling blue. I want more cookies. My friend Rebecca brought me some and now they are gone. They were so flippin’ good.

My mom is here and she’s doing some laundry, it makes me feel guilty that she is doing so. Its such a lame feeling, it’s like I want and need the help, yet feel bad when I get it. Stupid right? I’d like to spend some alone time with Aiden. I’ve found myself watching him when he sleeps. It feels like the only time I can be close to him. I miss him, yet he’s always around. I”m trying to feel my emotions, not trying to supress them but also not trying to just let my PP brain take over and flip out. Right now I want to get up and clean and my mom ordered me not to. Jennifer had to do the same thing to me the other day when she was here helping out. Not only did she do all the dishes, but she changed the sheets on my bed without batting an eye. You have no idea how wonderful it feels to sleep on fresh clean sheets put on by someone else. MAN, it’s fan-freaking-tastic.

So yah, that’s me in a nutshell right now. Oh and someone please tell Rocco to stop growing up. His imbilical cord fell off last night. WTF. But now I can use some other diapers, not just the prefolds and newborn mutts. Haha. He’s rocking the caliente lap t and blue and green dyed prefold with a white snappi right now. So cute. I’d snap a pic but he’s wrapped up in the hotsling at the moment. Man I need another one. This plain blue flower print is just sooo not me and my son.

Current music: Yennah, "Are We Being Clear (Bullitnuts Remix)

I’m looking at this pic and in my head I’m yelling

EAT SOMETHING!

neat pic tho, I mean the position she’s sitting in. perhaps if she did eat a burger she wouldn’t be able to sit like that.

I’m so ready to get the hell out of this house. I’m tired of being cooped up and tired of sitting with my knees together already. HA! I know I just had a baby, but I want to CLEAN. I want to vacuum, do dishes, make food, do laundry (well I have been throwing diapers in when I go in to the bathroom so that’s all good), but I want to do like LAUNDRY LAUNDRY. All of it. I want to take the sheets off the futon, I want the futon to be up and not down any more. I want to clean Aiden’s room. It’s outta hand messy right now. I would love to be able to just shut the door but he keeps opening it and I have to look in there at the hurricane every time I walk by! Arg.

I did wash some wool today, and now it’s sitting on a cookie cooling rack drying in the sun. Yay. Rocco is sleeping in my hotsling. I love this thing. Don’t love the pattern at all, but I do the hotsling. I’m hoping my mom will want to make one for me. I got my custom covers from ESbaby in the mail. They look a hell of a lot bigger than I thought they would but I haven’t tried them on Rocco just yet. She also sent me back the scraps of fabric. I should have had her make me some cloth pads with the scraps. Now I think I’m going to make some wipes. I have a couple tri fold soakers around here that used to belong to dipes and I think I might just use that to make some more wipes. I really need some anyway. This baby is pooping all the time. Good stuff. Beautiful golden colored seedy breastmilk poop. Makes me so damn happy. (We mothers are strange.)

I want to paint my toenails and put on makeup, and real clothing. I wonder if I can fit in my jeans? OOHHH. I should try them on! I only gained baby weight this pregnancy, nothing extra. I’m gave birth 6 pounds lighter than I did with Aiden. So we’ll see at the 6 week check up where I am at.

But ya, cabin fever is no fun. But I’m sure I’ll get through it. Oh so yesterday I was a bad post partum woman and wanted to take a small walk to get the mail. I needed some damn fresh air and to get outside. Well I get Aiden dressed and myself, let my hair down step outside, and wamo, Aiden takes a header into the sidewalk.
My poor sweet lovie tripped hard and feel face first, I saw it, heard it, felt it. It was awful, as you can see here. Poor baby. He’s totally fine tho, but man I take a step outside like I know I’m not supposed to and that happens. =\ I couldn’t even pick him up! I had to take his hand and lead him back into the house and then sit down and pull him onto my lap with Rocco in the sling. It was heartbreaking and Aiden still wanted to go to the mail afterwards. He wouldn’t let me put any neo on it. (Oh wait! I have breastmilk now! I can put that on there! WOOP!) So that was tramatic as well because I just wanted to take care of my boy and he wouldn’t let me so I started to cry. That worked. He came right over and let me clean it off, put the neo on it and a band aid. Then for the rest of the day he said he was tough.

But yah it was the first like emotional breakdown that I’ve had since the baby. Sitting there, crying that my house was dirty and my son got in a fight with the sidewalk and lost. Much better than PP with Aiden. Everything freaked me out. So if all I have to worry about is a little road rash face on Aiden and a dirty house, I’m doing alright.

Rocco LOVES the hotsling. Man it’s the best intention ever. haha, well maybe not but pretty darn close. I’m really glad that I have it this time around. I had an OTBH

I stepped away for a while to talk to Jill and my mom. I want to go to my mom’s house for the rest of the weekend because Shawn is going to be working on Sunday and Monday and I still need to rest up and not do too much. We’ll see what up.

I’ve lost my train of thought and should stop now before I write anything else. ha.

apple head needs to nurse anyway.

The light was just turning colors in the room
I knew the day was near
closely I kept my love
near was love number two
so fresh and new
nestled near my breast
curled in love
stirring, they both did
but not waking from the sleep
knowing how close I have them
how close I keep

Current music: Mighty Diamonds – Praise Is All We Get

oh yes, my milk has DEF. come in.

How do you do it? How do you start to write about one of the most empowering times of your life without cheapening it or making it seem cheesy or a fantasy and unattainable to others who will travel the same road? I’m going to try.

(more…)

yes its true, our son was born on 8/22, at 11:17pm, into my hands in water in our kitchen. beautifully, peacefully, naturally.

7 lbs, 4 ounces, 21 1/2 inches long (same as Aiden) 13 1/2 inch head. no name yet!

He’s nursing perfectly, latched on in the water. We actually slept last night really well. We’re doing beautifully.

I have a small tear that I declined stiches for so I just have to keep my knees together for the next week.

We’re doing great. Birth story and pics to come when I have a free moment.

Aiden loves his little brother.

and oh crap I have so many diapers I have to sell now.