You Are Not My Friend

you are not my friend.
you claim that after all these years you are
that our history is proof.
you are not my friend.
You lead me into a darkness
and left me there
only to toy with me when you see fit.
dom.
please.
A dom would not let a creature like me suffer.
A dom would NOT allow me to feel so badly.
Oh after care?
Non-exsistant with you.
You’re not a dom.
You’re just a sad fucking man who wanted to hurt a woman who loved you like the woman who you thought loved you hurt you.
Typical.
I’m sure your grandfather is looking down on you right now….
PROUD AS FUCK.
Right?

This Time…

The love affair is over, done tonight
like the last cigarette that I smoke as I write.

people gather ’round me, not to pay homage to the love I had for you
just to get air
like I have
so submerged in you
for so long

I’ve finally break from your sea to take my first breath
I am no longer yours
Your muse, nor have I been for many moons.

It has taken me as long as I have held my breath for you

to realize you will never love me like I love you.

maybe I’ll change my mind like I always do
but something is telling me, this time its true.

Fighters (He)

there are many
who have had your gaze
slightly
but those who loved you are
plenty
even if they did not
express
that you were the best
you were
compare

the way you moan
the way you text
the way you say you love how I smell
how many
how many

have heard your voice
and say I FUCKING LOVE YOU
they try
they all try and they
never come close to me
none of them

all those pretty boys
all those affluent men
with money and things
will never be me

because I was the best
I was the one.
and you will never replace me
a fallacy
a parody
a pretender
with anyone who comes along

green screen of life
back board of fake
None will break you.
none will get under your skin
none will hurt you like I did.

Foreboding Void

I am deathly afraid that
when you sit
on my bed
with your guitar
and sing your songs to me
that I will fall.

madly
deeply and
completely
in love with you.

you’ll have gotten
what you wanted
and then you’ll run off
just like he did.

just like he did.

That Will Do

you lie
yes lie
in a bed you shared with her
she is gone

I lay
yes lay
in the bed that never felt your skin

and who
suffers more

I wait
for eternities
while you be ‘left alone’
never admitting that you
need me

find a new
‘that will do’
so you don’t have to feel too deeply

Amy says
all I can ever be to you
is the darkness that we knew…

…once it was so right
when we were at our high…

the descent
a long
hard
one

I go back, again
re-collect the past
and know my words were true

wouldn’t write them
in paper and pen, not blue
if I didn’t feel them about you

I touch the page like a lover
which you have not been
though I felt closer to you
than any next of kin.

Stupid Thick

you ripped the blinders off the side of my head
sliced my arms with razor blade words of farce
was so low down when you found me
built me up, only to tear me down apart

and I let you in, willingly
and you lied to me, truthfully
pretty words, lullabies, whispered fabrications
I ate them up, dutifully

retrograde sinister than in the stale mate previous
and wonder how I was so impervious
to my own inside head screaming run
while I smiled outside to your setting sun

I am a fool, I am a fool’s fool

My body you saw displayed for your eyes
felt my touch on your skin in daylight
ate my words up with a fork and knife
most unfortunate of this end
you heard my song, open heart wide, in your ear
resist, never gonna sing again, voice shrouded in fear

silent as a mute, acute tender heart
lyrically I am blocked, frocked in doubt apart
burn the desire, that you inspire, set ablaze the haze
deceitful statements, my pillar, my shade

I am a fool, I am a fool’s fool

it was all lies you told me

you will be my slow demise
death to creativity, open wide
no longer high on emotional downs
set me free, make me drown

twist my words to make you say
deeper hallow the sounds that stray
empty sentence with meanings lack
threats go round, to turn your back

lonesome girl, electronic box light
searching for you, rehashing last fight
recall this pleasure pain of love
search for wholeness, she comes undone

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This is about me, not about you.