Fighters (He)

there are many
who have had your gaze
slightly
but those who loved you are
plenty
even if they did not
express
that you were the best
you were
compare

the way you moan
the way you text
the way you say you love how I smell
how many
how many

have heard your voice
and say I FUCKING LOVE YOU
they try
they all try and they
never come close to me
none of them

all those pretty boys
all those affluent men
with money and things
will never be me

because I was the best
I was the one.
and you will never replace me
a fallacy
a parody
a pretender
with anyone who comes along

green screen of life
back board of fake
None will break you.
none will get under your skin
none will hurt you like I did.

Foreboding Void

I am deathly afraid that
when you sit
on my bed
with your guitar
and sing your songs to me
that I will fall.

madly
deeply and
completely
in love with you.

you’ll have gotten
what you wanted
and then you’ll run off
just like he did.

just like he did.

That Will Do

you lie
yes lie
in a bed you shared with her
she is gone

I lay
yes lay
in the bed that never felt your skin

and who
suffers more

I wait
for eternities
while you be ‘left alone’
never admitting that you
need me

find a new
‘that will do’
so you don’t have to feel too deeply

Amy says
all I can ever be to you
is the darkness that we knew…

…once it was so right
when we were at our high…

the descent
a long
hard
one

I go back, again
re-collect the past
and know my words were true

wouldn’t write them
in paper and pen, not blue
if I didn’t feel them about you

I touch the page like a lover
which you have not been
though I felt closer to you
than any next of kin.

Stupid Thick

you ripped the blinders off the side of my head
sliced my arms with razor blade words of farce
was so low down when you found me
built me up, only to tear me down apart

and I let you in, willingly
and you lied to me, truthfully
pretty words, lullabies, whispered fabrications
I ate them up, dutifully

retrograde sinister than in the stale mate previous
and wonder how I was so impervious
to my own inside head screaming run
while I smiled outside to your setting sun

I am a fool, I am a fool’s fool

My body you saw displayed for your eyes
felt my touch on your skin in daylight
ate my words up with a fork and knife
most unfortunate of this end
you heard my song, open heart wide, in your ear
resist, never gonna sing again, voice shrouded in fear

silent as a mute, acute tender heart
lyrically I am blocked, frocked in doubt apart
burn the desire, that you inspire, set ablaze the haze
deceitful statements, my pillar, my shade

I am a fool, I am a fool’s fool

it was all lies you told me

you will be my slow demise
death to creativity, open wide
no longer high on emotional downs
set me free, make me drown

twist my words to make you say
deeper hallow the sounds that stray
empty sentence with meanings lack
threats go round, to turn your back

lonesome girl, electronic box light
searching for you, rehashing last fight
recall this pleasure pain of love
search for wholeness, she comes undone

An Ocean of Never

It no longer matters
your smile breaks too much of me
your words do not send me flying
I retreat, blow out the torch I never held for you
drown it with an ocean of never

It no longer matters
that I would, if you would let me
but you don’t, so I press on
alone, head held as high as my tiny broken shoulders can manage
the utterance of speech
when I am on or I am off
you are consumed with everything but me

It no longer matters
what time it is
the last time I ate
the last words you spoke
beg for attention, choke
on the silence you utter in the dark
you have been gone so long, while I searched.

What matters is the ache
the resounding, deafening reverberation of no longer
that I continually hold on to
so my creativity doesn’t die like you did.
Bury it in the ground with your rotting corpse
I spit.

I never spit.

I spit.

Hollywood Boulevard

September 2000

I could be imagining it
but the vibe dropped when
I walked into the room
four different people who
hold so much disdain
towards one person

there are only two who
deserver my sweet glance
I shouldn’t say that
everyone deservers love

my breathing labored
when I view faces
to hear her voice again
brings me to tears
all I want to do is
run to her
fall on my knees
and put my head on her child barring belly

the boy I once loved
who brought me down to
the city of angels
is with a girl who
isn’t his girl
all I want him to do is
come sit near me
and say I love you

I can’t stop starring
s-t-a-r-i-n-g
she has everything
I wish to achieve
the wedding
the husband
the child in the wings

I want to go home
don’t need to put myself though this
though I love the birthday girl

come to see her laugh so hard she cries
no money in my hand
no drink in the other
dealing with all the vibes in sobriety
the difficulty more than I imagined it would be

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Oh *that* Girl

oh hi. My name is Noel and I am a Geek, BBQer, HotMama, Ninja, Placenta Eater, shit talker, Hippy, faction xfering Druid, Mage, Priest, Shaman. Lover of Bass, The Packers, The Lakers, Sushi, men who do dishes & all nerds. I occasionally blog about food, cooking, weight loss, general bullshit, dating, single life, motherhood, World of Warcraft and a bunch of other stuff. I'm pretty great.
April 2014
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