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Isn’t there some scientific thing that says you’re not even the same physical person you were seven years ago? Like, your cells have regenerated so much that you no longer have the same cells every seven years? Or did I see that on the Sci-Fy channel?

I am waxing nostalgic, thinking of completely random things and been up since 3am making cupcakes because today…today people, is my baby’s Seventh birthday.

Aiden! You are SEVEN YEARS OLD TODAY !!!

no wait…

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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So today was a god damn fabulous day!

My brown eyed boy went to school and was great.

My blondy got registered for pre-school $170 dollars later, had a fantastic time playing with all the new to him toys. He used the kid size potty, not once, not twice but thrice! He is going to do so well there. He was a complete angel when it was time to go, which is very rare. I knew he was saving it up for a melt down later on.

My babiest girl got passed around to each and every womb aching  mom who was at said preschool. I now have to dip her in alcohol to make sure no germ transfer gets in my house. But really, it was outstanding to be with adults, specifically some people I really like! Can you believe it? Me actually liking women? Never heard of it. By the time I finally got Estella back in my arms, I was aching so bad from her not nursing. But honestly it was worth it so that some moms could love on her. I knew she was soaking up all that unconditional love from each person who snuggled her. Even our head teacher Lea, gave her a squeeze.

Even saw one of the dads I ADORE. He’s one of those great personality, off the wall sense of humor dads? You know, the type I’d like to marry. His boy is a bit older than Isaiah and cute as a button. Who came up with that saying anyway? I’ve never seen a button and gone, awww you’re so cute. Diapers yah, but not buttons. But he and his lovely wife were there, hugs all around. They are both good people, you can just feel the good energy about them.

One of the moms who had a home birth when Aiden was in school was there, she and I caveat-ed about birth and birth choices in Santa Barbara. She’s fully pushing me to get more involved, but I’m not sure I could play nice with idiots who still hold fear in their births. Part of me would like to stake out on my own with no formal training whatsoever cept you know, actually giving birth to three healthy children.

I don’t think I could ever doula someone in the hospital, only if there was a need for transfer, but not out and out ‘oh hay I wanna stack the odds against me and come out an even bigger winner when I have a natural birth so I’m gonna birth in the hospital.’ *double bird*

Came home, saw Megan for all of five minutes, but what a glorious five minutes it was. She confirmed in fact that yes I do have gold in them hills. Meaning, Estella has gained 2 fucking pounds in 4 weeks. *flexes boobies* She’s a fatass and I love it. I’m about to bottle that stuff and sell it to the highest bidder on ebay. *flexes again*

After I picked up the brown eyed boy, we went to visit Shawn, that man loves his children something fierce. He might not  be able to stand me for long periods of time, which is cool, but man we made some cute kids together and he adores every single hair on their heads.

(OMFG INTERLUDE. AN ANT JUST CRAWLED ON MY BABY. OH HELL TO THE NO. I FUCKING HATE YOU ANTS.)

Trader Joes was awesome as usual and Aiden is going to be hooked up with some snack tomorrow, so I better not hear any freaking complain from that kid or he’s gonna taste the back of me hand….not really, just wanted to say that. YYYAAAAARRRRRRR

OH and can I cry for a moment? My son. My five year old son, carts his happy ass across Trader Joes, picks out two packages of the right cheese sticks and trots his happy ass back over to me. I cried. Right there in the frozen isle. At Trader Joes. I don’t get out much.

Im done rambling and The Empress is passed out again in this fantastic heat that makes her want to sleep all.day.long. So night time is…interesting to say the least.

I’m going to put away the rest of the groceries and fend of the starving older short people until night fall with promises of pizza, cuz I’m sure as hell not turning the oven on now!

Did I mention I hate ants?

My mom and I are currently looking to buy two ‘new-to-us’ Hondas. We have a great mechanic that we take all our Hondas to before buying them. She’s driving up to Arroyo Grande right now to check out two Hondas, so we’ll see how that goes.

We are making strides in the potty learning department. It was not this tough with Aiden but Isaiah is having some resistance to the duce duce on the potty. Today was tough, but we got through it and he was rewarded with chocolate chips.

Currently the crazy people are running through the house, ‘racing’. I cannot wait until 7pm when their father comes to pick them up. Its been a long spring break.

Currently Listening to: bassdrive.com Electronic Warfare with the Overfiend

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

As some of you know Aiden started Kindergarten last week at a public school here in Santa Barbara. He was attending Ellwood school. A very traditional public school. His teacher was very nice, tall, beautiful, well spoken woman named Ms. Samuels. She was a touch on the quite voice side for my taste, me being a loud mouth.

We had some rough mornings leaving Aiden at school. He did not want to ‘line up’ like a sheep with the rest of the kids to walk over to his classroom. I fully understand why they do this, the kids have to walk 20-30 feet or so over to their class. Ok. Aiden didn’t like it one bit

Tuesday after school, Ms. Samuels asked to speak with me about Aiden. She told me all the typical crap ‘blah blah he doesn’t listen, he would run away from the playground monitor when she asked him to get in line…if he doesn’t shape up then we’re going to have a meeting with the principle…etc’

ITS THE 2ND DAY OF FUCKING SCHOOL. Does she honestly believe that 5 year olds are just going to cozy up to the idea of being herded around in a perfectly straight line? My God.

All the while she’s talking to me, she’s not making eye contact with me, she’s looking all over the room, and not at me. That does NOT sit well with me at all.

The next day, I told Aiden that I would be dropping him off and not walking with him to class, I wanted him to get used to the idea of me not being there so he had to listen to the playground monitor. Mind you there are 2 for 60 5 year olds. yep.

I walk around the fence, Aiden doesn’t see me. The bell rings and he sort of hides behind some playground equipment, I’m a little disappointed but not at all surprised. Then the playground monitor starts YELLING at Aiden and walking really aggressively over towards him. He starts backing up, looking scared as hell, and she grabs him by the arm and tries to pull him towards the line. He starts crying like he’s terrified, calling for me saying he wants to go home. The monitor grabs at him again and he backs up. The other monitor comes over and starts yelling at him too. He’s just backing up, crying, scared and I’m watching all this unfold from the fence where he can’t see me.

These two women have had maybe 2 minutes of contact with my child in the last 3 days and they expect him to just do what they say, especially when they say it in an aggressive manner? Standing straight up, not leaning into his level at all. Loud voices, no smiles.

The first monitor then throws up her hands, and waves Aiden off as if to say ‘I’m not going to bother with you.’

Ms. Samuels gets waved over, and she leans down a little and extends her hand instead of grabbing for him, Aiden takes it, but doesn’t budge. By now I’m in tears. He’s crying still and tells Ms. Samuels that he wants some water so she leads him over to the drinking fountain, and then he finally gets in the back of the line and walks to class.

…

That was my baby being grabbed at by some woman who doesn’t know him. Aiden is pretty sensitive to people he doesn’t know touching him. I honestly feel that the birth that we had, me being poked and prodded and not left alone, and then Aiden being taken from me seconds after birth, being poked and prodded and goop shoved in his eyes has made him this way. His first experience outside the womb was this. Not the warm loving embrace of his mother, her voice in his ear, no. It was a bunch of rubber gloved hands all over his body, touching him aggressively. I really think that that trama has shaped his personality.

When Aiden was in preschool at San Marcos, the teachers there were freaking amazing. They knew that it was going to take time, like the whole year to get Aiden to a place where he would listen every day, follow directions and not throw tantrums when things didn’t go his way. They understood and wouldn’t give up on him. But this woman, Ms. Samuels, is basically threatening me with sending my son to ‘the principles’ office on the second fucking day of kindergarten. WTF is that about?

So I pulled Aiden out of Ellwood. I realize that they way that I want to raise my son is to not be a sheep. You don’t have to at 5, stand in a line, or be spoken to like you’re not a a person. I found the Open Alternative School. It is located on the backside of La Colina Jr. High where I went to school. They are very child-lead learning, don’t do basic grades, like public schools, but the children still get an amazing education, its just not as rigid. Its at a pace where they learn best. Best thing…its free. Publicly funded by the State of California. They still do fund-raising and whatnot and I have to work for the school 2 hours a week, which is fine with me. I’m also allowed to ‘teach’ one of my specialties in a class. They have MACS. Oh YES THEY DO. So I’m all about teaching photoshop to some 5th or 6th graders. Or cooking to little ones.

The minute I walked on campus, I met a mom who’s energy was so much like mine, her eyes were kind, she walked me to the office and was just generally on the same vibe as me. As we walked I told her about what happened to Aiden at Ellwood and she was completely sympathetic.

OAS is very similar to San Marcos in they way they teach the children, deal with the children etc. A lot of the children that attend OAS come from San Marcos or the other 3 co-op style schools in our area. So they KNOW that it takes a while for some children to get it.

The first class Isaiah and I visited, there was this Lioness sitting in a low rocking chair, her beautiful curly main over her shoulders and she sat proud watching her little brood of tiny lions listen to a slender young college graduate student who was there to teach for the day.
Then the Lioness, Ann, stood and let out a fat heavy low roar to which the children turned their heads to pay attention.

She reminded me of myself, only better. She spoke firmly but with a smile, conviction, like she wouldn’t give up on the toughest child ever. She would lovingly guide them, teach them, listen to them, understand their needs.

/tear

Its a great school, mixed classes K and 1st, 2nd and 3rd and so on up to 8th grade. They have a garden, bunnies, a great playground area. The energy of the children when they were running around was amazing.

I noticed that more kids at OAS made eye contact with me, than the ones at Ellwood. I noticed them patting Isaiah on the head as he played on the playground with them, which sits beneath this amazing old oak tree, with crusty hard bark.

The classrooms are lived in, not disgustingly orderly like at Ellwood. The class size is 10 Ks and 10 1st graders per class, there are 3 classes like that. Tiny little classes for my baby.

The staff was welcoming, understanding, caring when I told them about Aiden’s issue at Ellwood, about the kind of child he is. They didn’t balk at me when I talk about our birth experience. They understood.

This is the kind of place where when I say I had a homebirth, I’m going to hear ‘oh who was your midwife?’ instead of ‘WEREN’T YOU SCARED OMGWTFBBQ!!!!!!!!!11!!!!juan!!!!!!1!!!!
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT”

So, the place is full of hippies. And so be it. I’m a hippy. I always have been and I will not stop raising my children in a way I feel fit. I was STUPID to send Aiden to Ellwood in the first place. It was convenient because its a half mile away.

We don’t have a car and OAS is 6 miles away, meaning every day I’m going to have to load up the kids, and catch the bus at 715am outside the house, transfer to another bus, and then walk up about a half mile to the school. Isaiah and I will have to wait for Aiden to get out of school, because La Colina is in a residential area and there is NOTHING around there. Then ride the bus home.

But this is what I’m willing to do for my baby. I do not want him to be the ‘bad kid’ in school. I want him to be loved, feel safe, WANT to learn while he’s at school. I don’t want any credit like I’m some Godsend for doing this. I’m going to hate every single minute of it, I won’t lie. But I’ve been accused of ‘not doing what it takes’ and I’m out to prove some people wrong on this one.

I want my child to grow and learn in a nurturing environment, I want him to develop deep and meaningful relationships. I don’t care if he becomes a doctor, I want him to feel secure in his body, his brain and in his life. I want him to speak openly to adults and his peers, and not be afraid to say whats on his mind in a respectful manner. I believe that he will learn all this with my help and the help of OAS.

Maybe someday when he’s older he’ll read this…..Aiden, I love you. You are my light, my love and I would do anything for you. Have fun, work hard, stay safe, make friends, laugh, love deeply because you know you can heal if you ever have heartbreak. Surround yourself with like minded people who support you and not like minded people who challenge you. Be respectful. Pet bunnies (you have two now at your school!), smell flowers, love life my son.

He starts Tuesday.

July 10th is my second deadline for PKD, so if you message me and I don’t answer or sign off please don’t take it personally.

In other news, I’ve developed a new love of myspace, lol.

I’ve been going to the gym again.

Isaiah is trying to walk, Aiden is restless and difficult but we’re managing.

I am stressed and blessed, yes I am.

Current music: Town & Country – Love Could Be (Town Mix)

So A’s surgery was today, all is well.
I is playing with a ballon atm and LOVING it.
A is in the bath, he’s hungry and doing well.

oh btw he’s 3 and 60 pounds, yah. SIXTY.

good choon, deadline of midnight and instant mashed potatoes for tonight are love.
my own car for the next two weeks is great. omg, yay freedom.

life is good.

We’re good.

p.s cute nursing tops at motherhood, hair bands from forever 21 and skull and cross bone earrings from clairs make some leo’s feel very sessy.