We open the scene with a girl being kidnaped and Jack Bauer coming to her rescue. Wait…not that kind of 24. Its week 24 on the road to Blizzcon. Its been a good but rough week. I attended a wedding over the weekend where I ate way too much and drank way to mucher. Mucher is a word right? I had an incredible time being hugged by strangers who knew all about me, and were so happy to see me. It was almost like being at a rave but no one was on E! I’ve never felt so welcomed into a family before, it was eye opening to say the least.
It was also a good buffer for me only losing 5 pounds over the last month. I used to lose 5 pounds a week, but 5 pounds a month was somewhat unacceptable to me. I had friends on twitter telling me ‘to celebrate every pound!’ and ‘don’t be so hard on yourself!’. Yall can go fuck yourselves gently. I am not being hard on myself. I DO celebrate every pound in my own way. I am celebrating today by running another 3 miles and having a proper breakfast. While some people celebrate with cupcakes or pizza, I celebrate my not so great loss with buckling down. Because I want to reach my goal, not goal weight, but goal. To be conscious of the food I put in my body, to be conscious of the choices I make with eating, to be conscious of the triggers in my life that cause me to binge. To be conscious of the feeling I had after running, that high, and hold it close to me until the next run. I want to be aware and push myself. Sure, I’ll slip, like I did over the weekend having gravy and filet for breakfast and drinking pretty much everyone under the table. And that is ok.
I celebrated love this weekend, and I am aware of the work I need to put in to get myself back on track.
So this very pregnant girl puts on a dress… (more…)
Rejection comes in many shapes and forms, asking someone out on a date, jobs, so-called friends. Today I got rejected by a short older gentleman via email. No I didn’t want to bang him or be his pal, I wanted to work for him. (more…)
26 is a pretty special number to me. One of my loves was a deejay and I think by far the greatest mix that he ever created was done on 7/26. It was perfection. I had at one time thought about naming my design business SevenTwentySix, but opted to keep it with my name. I was 26 years old when I gave birth to my first child. That was almost ten years ago. And for ten years now, I haven’t been taking care of myself. I have been busy growing small humans, caring for them, and it left little to no time for me. I’ve waxed and waned with my weight for so long now. And this journey has not been a pleasant one. I’ve tried everything to keep my focus, and until now nothing has really worked. I’m not blaming my children for the weight in any way. I am blaming myself and the only way to actually make it change for good is to focus on the positive. Make the changes slowly, and steadily. I still want to be a hot bitch, and I want to add another level of focus for myself.
I have 26 dresses in my closet that don’t fit me. Twenty six. Really its more like 18 dresses and 8 outfits, but 26 *dresses* sounded so much better. My goal is to take this one week at a time. One dress, one outfit each week and write about how I felt wearing that dress. Who I was with, who I kissed, where I went, what I ate.
I have 26 weeks, starting today until Blizzcon. I have 26 weeks to remind myself that I am worth taking time for. That I have the willpower and the ability to take it one week at a time, focus on that dress/outfit as a goal. Remnding myself daily that I can do this, because hell its only one week. I can surely dedicate myself to getting to wear an amazing dress for a whole week right? Its only one week at a time. (more…)
I hate this. I hate that I don’t have sheer will power to stay on track. I’ve had two home births. And my first I was in labor for 46 hours, with pitocin and no epidural rocking contractions that would bring linebackers to their knees. Yet I pressed one. But this…this bullshit is HARD.
Ah week two. Usually week two is ok but this time I got attacked by a stupid cold. (more…)