Commiserate

People complain. Life is hard. Each person’s path is different than someone else. When I complain about something, I am not asking for attention. I am not asking for help or answers or a fix. I just want to vent and I want someone to listen and really hear me. Not jump into fix mode and save me from whatever it is I’m annoyed with.
Just shut the fuck up and listen. Get crazy with me that I want to set fire to my house because there is a spider. Or I want to do a naked protest at Hulu headquarters because they play too many commercials. I don’t need reality when I’m bitching, I need to laugh, especially at myself.
What i don’t need is an answer, a solution, or someone to save me. Commiserate with me.
I don’t need someone to tell me to ‘look on the bright side’ or that I ‘shouldn’t feel a certain way’ or tell me about the starving children in Africa. When you use your own  pain to one up someone else pain, that’s not helpful. Don’t be a one upper. Listen.
People want their pain, their emotions to be validated. Telling someone they shouldn’t feel a certain way is invalidating what they are feeling and often cases makes them defensive. A person’s emotional response to a situation should be acknowledged for what it is. An emotional response. Tend to that emotion, that person while they are feeling the way they do. Let them feel it until they don’t need to any more. Stand by, be a friend, make them laugh. Don’t don’t tell them they shouldn’t feel the way they do.

Arena

arena_web

This Time…

The love affair is over, done tonight
like the last cigarette that I smoke as I write.

people gather ’round me, not to pay homage to the love I had for you
just to get air
like I have
so submerged in you
for so long

I’ve finally break from your sea to take my first breath
I am no longer yours
Your muse, nor have I been for many moons.

It has taken me as long as I have held my breath for you

to realize you will never love me like I love you.

maybe I’ll change my mind like I always do
but something is telling me, this time its true.

A Wild Noelove Appears

This post is neither long nor dramatic. Ok maybe a little long.

socialmediatree1

I took a break from social media. *confetti*

I didn’t want to be one of those people who writes a long ass post about why they are taking a break from social media. LOOK AT ME. VALIDATE MY DECISION. TELL ME YOU’RE GOING TO MISS ME. blah blah blah. That’s not me. I needed a break so I took one. You people are sweet and wonderful for being concerned about me. I discovered who cares for me in a very real way during this break. Its been nice to see. Crap, I totally did reverse psychology on y’all?

Gee Noel, what have you been doing?

Getting into a routine. Completed boot camp again and I’ve been hitting three yoga classes a week. I can finally do a plank. I feel really strong. I’ve been taking care of the small humans and El Jeffe, decluttering my house and giving things away on Freecycle/Craiglist. We got a new flat screen TV, set up ChromeCast on both TVs and set up Plex too. WHICH IS FUCKING BALLER. Did a catering gig. I’ve been eating semi-paleo, but I have slipped up and had pizza (OM NOM NOM), totally worth it. I weigh less now than I did at Blizzcon and it shows.

Its rained like crazy for 3 days, then we got tons of sun again, the Toyota people fixed the van and I found a dentist that I actually like. Signed Isaiah up for indoor soccer and Stella up for T-ball at the YMCA for spring, then signed all the kids up for 6 weeks of summer camp at the YMCA, went on a job interview that lasted all of 60 seconds (didn’t get it), started my new website, youtube channel and twitter handle for the restaurant contest. More deets on that when everything is ready to launch. (BIG. TIME. STUFFS)

Yes I’ve been playing a LOT of WoW. My alliance guild <Vandalized> is pretty cool. I’ve been running rated BGs with them. I’m currently relevant in PVP. I’ve been doing arena with a guy who makes me feel like the most amazing healer ever. We run a Hunter/Druid combo, we also run a two druid combo. He’s really nice, doesn’t yell at me during matches, and he’s funny as hell. Horde side, well, a certain guild is coming back this summer and I’ve been trying to gear up not only the Priest, but a fresh 90 Druid to WPVP with them.

I’m good. I do miss y’all a lot. I’ll be around and hopefully not as absorbed with social media as before. (I really typed that with a straight face. Really a straight face as I’m checking twitter to look at you people. OH HI!)

i don’t listen to you for weeks

and then you invade my brain in a dream
and when I need you most
your music
your sound, come around

the way you put your hand on my thigh when I’m driving
when my lover is yelling at me from back seat
there you are with untitled music
and I push play
yet i ask the Libra who is yelling from the back seat still
if its you, untrusting of my confidence yet again

and of course its you
you settle me like you did that night
with one touch
saying, ‘its ok Noel, just drive’
while he told me I was stupid, and worthless

you saw that night what he saw
and thats why you picked her
and stayed so far

only calming down with the music you didn’t play for me back then
only touching my thigh when I had to drive
you were the tallest, so you always sat in front.

You’ll always sit in front
when I need you.

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This is about me, not about you.