Oh Isaiah, four whole years ago today you came into this world peacefully in our little apartment in Goleta. You are such a sweet person. You are sassy and remind me of myself. You are strong willed with great manners. Not to get ahead of this upcoming year, but oh my gosh you’ll be starting Kindergarten next year!! But before then you’ll continue at SMPCW, learning, growing and becoming a young man. You can count to 100, you know most of your letters and your vocabulary is stunning. You have a great active imagination and you use it every day. You are slender, but man can you pack in some food.

You are so sweet to you little sister and a partner in crime with your brother. Though you guys butt heads sometimes, you always work it out. I can’t wait to see what this next year brings us!

I love you so much Isaiah. I am really proud that I am your mama.

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Happy happy birthday to my lovely Estella!

You came into the world all pink and lovely. Screaming your face off, but soon settled down nice.

Your brothers came home to find their newest sister. Can you tell it was love at first sight?

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I am going to be turning 33 years old this year. I’ve noticed that this year while some of my wishes stay the same year after year, there are some that totally make me feel old. Like, old old. Like dirt and stuff.

• a maid. That’s right a maid. Not forever, not just once, but maybe once a month for a 3 months or more to get everything in order so I can hopefully keep it that way.
• one of those organizational people to come and help me organize my completely cluttered house. No camera please.
• a computery type person to come and network all the computers together, make one of them a sever to pull movies, and music off of and set up a back up drive that automatically backs up my work, as well as the server every day. I also want this person to organize the scary mess that are my power cords, and strips. I want the kids to be able to watch computer movies on the TV. I want to be able to watch Netflix on both TVs. yes. That would be lovely.
• sushi dinners. Not just one, but perhaps 4 or 5. One with Daniel and Loyd, one with Brian and Jewfry and Missy, one with Crystal and Lexi, and one by myself. Sushi, sake, Soporo and laughter. Why small groups? because its easier to have intimate conversations when the groups are smaller instead of one large massive cluster fuck of wasabi, ginger and fish.
• p90x DVD set, ripped or bought, I don’t care.
• a bottle of Hana Mori perfume.
• a WoW game card. (or ten)
• a fence.
• my backyard transformed into a real garden with real plants and veggies and stuff. And a real compost bin with real worms!
• new curtains for the living room/dinning room. These vertical blinds are the devil.
• black picture frames in 5×7 sizes so I can print the multitude of pictures of my beautiful offspring and hang them on the wall.
• a picture hanger person who’s incredibly anal retentive, because I am not.
• a kitty. Yah I know that’s totally impractical because I have a baby and stuff, but I really want a little furball to sleep on my bed.

I may end up adding to this if something strikes me as something I need.

I play World of Warcraft.

I do.

One of the most amazing women I’ve ever played with, has a son who’s been in an accident. A terrible, terrible accident.

So please, you, you, you and you. all of YOU please think of, pray, hope for Chris.

His name is Chris.

Also known as Alter.

Please think of him. Please pray for him.

I admit it. I cruise dating sites hoping to strike up fun and interesting conversations with people. I think there might be a 12 step program for this but at this time I have my addiction under control. I’m on OkCupid, Myspace, and LooptMix. All free sites where conversation doesn’t cost you your first born and a there isn’t some massive questionnaire to fill out. And while I have profiles at Match and eHarmony, I don’t pay for their service so I spend my time blocking winks and deleting eharmony spam from my gmail account. Good GOD do they send you a lot of freaking people.

Its really interesting to look through profiles and read the asinine things that people put up. Spelling mistakes, but they claim they want a smart girl. Grammar mistakes while typing your instead of you’re. And I’m guilty of spelling mistakes and improper grammar sometimes, I spell check my shit before I post it up. Come on people. Spell check is your friend. And if you need some help with proper grammar I have a lady friend in Georgia who can whip your profile into punctuation perfection and grammarific grammar. She’s real good at spellying things right.

I’ve talked to quite a few people in the past few months. Most start with stupid one liners, some with just ‘hi’ but then there is the special guy who’s smart enough to figure out that flattery is not the way to my heart. He asks me something about my profile, or about sushi. And then he keeps the conversation going by being…….funny. Guys, funny is the best thing you can be. I don’t care what your buddies say, your washboard abs mean nothing to me. ‘If you can get a girl to laugh, you can get her to do anything.‘ This is pretty much true. When your washboard abs are a giant keg when you’re 60 years old, but you’re still making your lovely lady laugh, then you got the power son.

Hello Beautiful

I have to gripe about is the over use of the word beautiful. I know that I am probably going to come off like some stuck up bitch, but that is ok, I never said I was nice. Yes compliments are special and its nice to get them, but really guy, stop with the beautiful. Literally every time I get a message from you, it starts with ‘hi beautiful, hello beautiful, whats up beautiful’. It starts to lose its meaning after a while.

What up Cutie.

Really? REALLY? I’m 32 years old (fuck thirty three in less than a month). I am a grown woman. I am not cute. Cute is for babies and puppies and attempts to claim that you’re more awesome than me.

Conversate.

IT. IS. NOT. A. WORD.

Age is just a number.

These one really bothers me. I have zero interest in talking to or dating ANYONE who is 18 years old yet when I politely decline with ‘thanks for the interest but you’re a little  young for me, take care’ they almost always retort with the above. I again decline. They persist. The youngings are persistent aren’t they? I hit my ignore button and that drives the message home. I decline guys just about everyone under 30. I will make the rare exception for someone who’s 28 if they come with an awesome opener.

and along those lines…

wow..ok so I never have hit on an ..older woman..you are gorgeous though! What is your name? What are you up to?

You are gorgeous though? Reads as You’re pretty hot for an old chick! Come on dude, did you really think that would work?!

There was the creeper who told me he could ‘help me with my kids’ so I could go on a date with him. I threw up in my mouth.  Or the guy who’s like ‘hey nice tits pet‘ or ‘can I see your rack?‘

I would love to that I could screen cap these convos and send them to their mothers and be like ‘hey Mrs. dickbag’s mom, look at the kind of son you raised. G FUCKING G.’

And I think the best one of all these, was the guy who said I  was ‘yummy’ and I asked if that was a compliment and he says:

‘kinda like a banana split. I want to take a bite.’

Clearly this dude has been watching too much Twilight. Or the Food News Network. Or True Blood. Yea.

None of this will stop me from talking to the interesting males of this world. Its highly entertaining and makes for good blog posts.

What say you Internets? What amazing lines have been flung your way?

Orig

If I won the lottery
First, I wouldn’t go public with it, I would claim my prize anonymously.
I would find a way to employ my best friend as my financial planner/accountant/make-surer-that-I-dont-spend-it-all-at-once.
I’d eat sushi everyday.
I would donate a fuckton of money to SMPCW and OAS.
I would sell my little house to a needy family for $1.
I wouldn’t buy a super huge house, but it would def. have to have at least 3 bedrooms and a guest house.
My kitchen would be completely customized for me with taller
I would go to culinary school to learn to be a better cook.
my backyard will have a badass outdoor kitchen with a grill, not gas, charcoal, complete with a mini keg dispenser.
I would buy a hybrid SUV.
I would buy a BMW, a little zippy one.
I would shop at the farmers market like alllll the time.
I would buy my mom a little house near the beach and make her retire early.
I would buy stock in the Santa Barbara Roasting Company.
I would eat more sushi.
I would get a personal trainer.
I would would have a part time live in house keeper and gardener, hopefully they are married so they can spend time together.
I would grow a garden in my backyard.
My backyard will have mature fruit trees, especially avocado.
I will have fresh star gazer lillies in my bedroom every week.
I would plan a month long….or longer trip to visit all my friends throughout the United States. (literally visiting the following states, Georgia, Texas, Florida, New York,
I will go to Australia and swim in the Great Barrier Reef, and pet a wombat.
omg I would buy so many cookbooks.
I would have family/friend gatherings once a month.

More to come…