When words come round
Like scared animals you can’t click on
They dance around finger tips
Aching to get out
Pen and paper out of reach
Comfort of lovers arms not enough to keep me
From rising out of bed
To chase these words
That are never as beautiful
Once written down
losing some of their ethereal wisps
hiding in the stars
who are hiding from the ascending sun
I speak it.
Faithfully like a black preacher in front of his choir in Alabama on a Sunday, praising your existence.
I sing it.
My voice cracking from the honesty when I bellow about you in sold out stadiums.
I write it.
Like a police report, like a Stephen King novel, like a final dissertation.
Conviction. Description. Intelligent argument.
You hide from your truth
behind locks and keys
whispering in the darkness
never standing in light
Not singing, not writing, not enforcing.
Cowering in your little dark corner with your little dark lies who keep you in the darkness.
They protect your half truths.
They poke threatening
Your eyes covered.
Hands over your ears.
Gag in your mouth.
You know my depths, and use it against me, your silence cuts deeper than any hateful dialog I can make up in my head.
There was a time when my thoughts were consumed with nothing but Azeroth. When I was afraid to go outside because I thought I would have to run from mobs in real life.
I have killed so many dragons, monsters and rats. I have healed my friends, my enemies. I have PVP, had server firsts, done arena, laughed, cried, created many alts. I have beat the fucking game. Over the past ten years I have done everything the World of Warcraft has to offer and now its time to make like a shitty ret pally at 10% health and bubble hearth out of here.
Its not a big deal, I mean it was a couple days ago when I did it. I cried. Honestly cried. Im getting a bit misty eyed talking about it right now too.
I was talking to a friend in game who has the same name as the person I first fell in love with in game. They both have dark brown hair and dark brown eyes and voices that make me melt into a puddle. It felt like the circle was closed properly. I ported to Moonglade, climbed up on a rock and waved. I logged out and uninstalled all my Blizzard games.
WoW was there for me when I was in a very dark place. I had a family in game. As the years went on, that family started moving on, it just took me this long to finally realize I need to as well. I still have my friends, they just don’t only exist inside Azeroth.
I love the people of the community. Even the ones I don’t like because everyone needs love. Cept that one guy. You know who I’m talking about.
Tl:DR WoW days are done. No big deal. Thanks for all the fish.
People complain. Life is hard. Each person’s path is different than someone else. When I complain about something, I am not asking for attention. I am not asking for help or answers or a fix. I just want to vent and I want someone to listen and really hear me. Not jump into fix mode and save me from whatever it is I’m annoyed with.
Just shut the fuck up and listen. Get crazy with me that I want to set fire to my house because there is a spider. Or I want to do a naked protest at Hulu headquarters because they play too many commercials. I don’t need reality when I’m bitching, I need to laugh, especially at myself.
What i don’t need is an answer, a solution, or someone to save me. Commiserate with me.
I don’t need someone to tell me to ‘look on the bright side’ or that I ‘shouldn’t feel a certain way’ or tell me about the starving children in Africa. When you use your own pain to one up someone else pain, that’s not helpful. Don’t be a one upper. Listen.
People want their pain, their emotions to be validated. Telling someone they shouldn’t feel a certain way is invalidating what they are feeling and often cases makes them defensive. A person’s emotional response to a situation should be acknowledged for what it is. An emotional response. Tend to that emotion, that person while they are feeling the way they do. Let them feel it until they don’t need to any more. Stand by, be a friend, make them laugh. Don’t don’t tell them they shouldn’t feel the way they do.